New Element: Administratium
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	(author unknown)

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered at the
Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory.  The element, tentatively named
Administratium (Ad), has no protons or electrons; thus it has atomic
number 0.  It does, however, have one neutron, 75 associate neutrons,
125 deputy associate neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy associate
neutrons.  This gives it an atomic mass of 312.  The 312 particles are
held together in the nucleus by a force that involves the continuous
exchange of meson-like particles called memo.ns.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert.  Nervertheless, it
can be detected chemically because it seems to impede every reaction in
which it takes part.  According to Dr. Langour, one of the discoverers
of the element, a very small amount of Administratium made one reaction
that normally takes less than a second take over four days to go to
completion.

Administratium has a half-life of approximately 3 years, at which time
it does not actually decay.  Instead, it undergoes an internal
reorganization in which associate neutrons, deputy associate neutrons,
and assistant deputy associate neutrons all exchange places.  Some
studies have indicated that atomic mass actually increases after each
reorganization.